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Boring nothingness

I should be reading for class right now, but instead, I’m typing another pointless post about nothing in particular. The ice is falling from the sky and tapping my window. It’s kinda creepy to be honest. It sounds like something you’d hear in a horror film. Anyway, my school decided to cancel classes for tomorrow, so that’s lovely. Now, if only work would say, hey you don’t have to come in. But, I know that’s asking too much and we wouldn’t want to do that. But, I am happy to have a job nonetheless. I don’t really have anything to say. I was just thinking I haven’t written anything in awhile so I decided to get on here and ramble about nothing. I hope ya’ll are warm and cozy. May you have a lovely night and as always, happy reading!! 😀 

 
Aside

I’m a simple person. There are no complexities to me other than the molecules in my body. I was born and raised on a farm in Tennessee. Growing up, my parents worked hard to provide for us and make sure we had a very good upbringing. My dad not only was a pastor but also chief deputy, a cook at a local restaurant and, in the winter, ran our family business: deer processing. My mom was meat manager at a local grocery and in the winter ran the deer processing place as well. They instilled in my brothers and me, hard work, dedication, the value of a dollar, honesty, and many other values that went into making me the woman I am today. My great-uncle owned a farm and from planting to harvest, my cousins, brothers, and I helped. If there’s one overarching value I remember, it’s hard work.

I began college in the fall of 09 and have been on my educational journey ever since. I’m and English education major and love learning and reading. My college career mainly consists of English courses. And in those courses, the main focus is reading texts and interpreting them. I have been constantly criticized for the simplicity in my views. I don’t use big words to mask my indifference or my ineptness. I don’t hide behind books because I feel everything else is of no importance. If I have problems with a task, I will tell you. Just because I know big words, I’m not going to use them unless I feel they’re vital to the subject-matter. Just because I understand grammar, I’m not going to be pedant. Once you get deep into your content focus and past the gen-eds, you begin to have classes with the same people. A few new faces do pop up every now and then, however it’s mostly the same ones. You get to know them, how they answer questions, whether you like their answers or not, whether you like them as a person or not, etc. In return, they obviously get to know you. As an English major, I do not fit in with other English majors. They’re over there talking about Dr.Who and the latest developments in the Creation vs. Evolution debate and I’m sitting over here thinking, “what in the hell are they talking about?” They’re criticizing people who believe in creation and I’m one of them. They’re also criticizing people who do not watch Dr. Who and I haven’t seen the first episode. They’re talking about Harry Potter and I’ve never read the books or watched the movies. They’re talking about how they hate conservative republicans and although I don’t particularly consider myself either, most of my views do favor those of the conservative/republican party.

My thoughts on things are very simple and many of my classmates make fun of me for it. I used to let it bother me. But, as they’ve made their snide comments thinking I don’t understand, I’ve actually accepted my simplicity. I want to be a teacher so, in my opinion, my simplicity is actually a benefit. When I’m up in front of a class teaching them about the wonderful world of literature, simplicity is what is going to make them understand what in the hell is going on. I would much rather be a simple mind like myself, than be someone who’s astoundingly intelligent and can’t break down the complexities students encounter with literature to where students can actually understand them. I’ve had teachers like that and they honestly pissed me off.

So, with all this being said, whoever you are and whatever your talents may be, do them well and be thankful for them. Although you may not understand why you were made a specific way, one day you will and it will bring your mind peace and joy because everything will finally make sense. Do not disrespect yourself, the world does enough of that. Love yourself! Love who you are. Love what you do and love how you do it! Best wishes and happy reading!! 😀

Simple Kind of . . . Woman

 

Double-standard Bull-ish (WARNING: SENSITIVE CONTENT)

So, ever since we were little we were told, be it by our parents, friends, family, society, or what have you, to treat yourself and others with respect. Heck! Aretha Franklin even sang a song about it. But women, whether you want to believe it or not, are held to a higher/different standard. If a man curses, whatever. If a woman curses, we’re considered unladylike. If a man sleeps around, good for him. If a woman sleeps around, she’s a whore. Society, in my opinion, places more stress on women to hold to their chastity until marriage, than they place on men. Now before I go any deeper, allow me to make clear what I mean by chastity. Chastity is different from virginity. Chastity means not only staying chaste until marriage, but also staying true to one’s significant other. Virginity is abstaining from sexual intercourse. The difference between the two is a woman can be married and not a virgin, but still be considered chaste. However, said woman can be married and have sex and not be a virgin. Make sense? Moving on . . . I’m 22 years old, soon to be 23, and I’m still a virgin. When people find out, the main response I get is, “good for you; stay that way.” I was brought up in a very Christian home. My dad was a pastor therefore everyone in our town held me, as well as my brothers to a higher standard. Well, my dad is gone now and it’s just my mom and me. My oldest brother is married. My middle brother is living in Florida with his girlfriend attending law school; they’ve been living together for about 4 years now, so most of their college career. Anyhow, my parents never once scolded him for living with her even though she and my brother are not married. My parents were the type of parents where they didn’t care if so-and-so were doing it, they did frown upon it, but they wouldn’t judge them for it. However, they preached to us not to do it. And that’s fine because God in heaven knows I’m thankful for my raising. Anyway, moving right along. My mom and I were on the phone the other night talking and the subject of virginity was brought up and she knows I’m still a virgin. But, I asked her what she would do if I were to lose my virginity. I recieved an earful. About ten minutes later when she was finished, I said, you weren’t a virgin when you married dad, and dad wasn’t a virgin when he married you. And my brother, the one who lives with his girlfriend in Florida, lost his when he was 14. So, I’ve held on to mine for longer than any of ya’ll. She kinda laughed. And I asked her, why does it matter so much if I want to lose my virginity before I’m married? None of ya’ll waited; so, why’s it different for me? Needless to say, after about 20 or so minutes of discussion, I never got a straight answer. 

Now, going back to the part where I’m about to be 23. There’s this guy at work (guy A). He’s really attractive; but, he’s a downright player. He’s the guy ya’ll hear about that has “different hoes in different area codes.” Anyhow, I’ve very seriously considered telling him my birthday is coming up and as a gift, I want him to take my virginity. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I know I would feel like manure when it was all over. He, this other guy who we’re pretty good friends with (guy B), and I were talking the other night at work and they began describing guy A’s current slam buddy. Guy B was saying how differently she dressed and was saying these really mean things about her and guy A agreed. Well, I asked guy A if she’s that bad, then why are you ‘seeing’ her? He said, “because, she has a nice rack.” Our conversation continues, a few things were said about me and guy A says I can’t do this and turns around and walks off. I asked guy B what was up with that and he said, “it’s cause you’re a virgin.” That pissed me off. I replied, “so he can talk like that about her but he can’t talk about boobs to me?” Our conversation continued and slowly dwindled down. We moved on to various topics for the rest of the night then said our goodbyes as quitting-time came. However, I was still munching on what happened earlier. It pisses me off that he treated me like a piece of fragile, sacred, glass like if he kept talking to me about sex, boobs, etc. I was going to break. And all this really made me think about how society views women talking about sex and how they view men talking about sex and not only talking about it, but also having it, or the lack thereof (porn).  If guys talk “locker room talk” it’s all fine and dandy; but, if a woman were to say half of those things she would be considered crude and heaven forbid she say she has watched, currently watches, or has seen porn.  It irritates me that women can’t live their lives the way they want to without society having some double-standard bull shit to go along with it. Don’t get me wrong, things have gotten better; but, they’re no where near where they need to be. 

 

Past, Present, and hopefully, Future

Hey, everyone! I hope this post finds you warm and comfy in your home, whether you’re sitting by a warm fire or snuggled up in your cozy bed. 😀 I honestly don’t have anything to say, I’m just trying to post more frequently so I am able to remember to do so and a year doesn’t go by before I type my next post. Tonight, I was able to actually watch the Super Bowl for once in the past few years. I was pulling for the Broncos, but of course they didn’t win. I watched with one of my roommates. It was nice to actually be off work by the time the game started. We talked about various topics, from the weather outside to feminism and everything in between. This morning when I went into work, I was able to talk to a girl with whom I used to attend high school. She and I used to be inseparable. Honestly, we were like sisters. Then things began to happen; we were at two very different places in our lives and we just . . . went different ways. Although, now we both attend the same university. She’s one of the student managers at my place of employment and we’ve always been civil to one another. I’ve honestly missed our friendship, but I didn’t know what to do or say to try and convey that. I just let bygones be bygones. Well, as a rule where we work, when you’re cashier, you have to have a student manager in the office with you when you’re counting your drawer. Today like every other Sunday, she was the manager on duty and she went into the office with me. I was sitting there counting the money when she just asked if I had talked to one of our mutual friends lately. I replied no. She said, well she had a baby here a while back, got married, and is now expecting her second child. We talked about how time has flown and how it’s weird being friends with someone for so long and them having a baby. We talked about her parents and everything they went through and how times have changed us all. Honestly, it was really nice and I’m crying just thinking back on it. But, me crying nowadays is nothing unusual (see last post). I honestly do miss her. We shared so many good times and made so many wonderful memories. I would love for us to go back to being as close as we were if not closer. But, I honestly have no idea how that is going to happen. I watched a movie growing up called Anne of Green Gables. It’s a wonderful movie and I highly recommend it. Anyhow, in it Anne and Diana Berry are good friends and Anne refers to her as her “bosom friend” and “kindred spirit.” I had no idea what either of them meant and my mom told me, “those phrases can’t be explained; they have to be felt.” I honestly believed my mother didn’t know the definition, either that or she was crazy. But now, I know exactly what those two phrases mean because I did feel them and they were some of the two most wonderfully memorable feelings I have ever felt. I hope and pray she and I can become close once again; because, I’m not gonna lie, when we stopped being friends, I felt a little piece of me die. And since, I have never been able to resuscitate that piece of me. 

 

Randomness

You know, every day I think to myself I could be doing something different with my life. I could be traveling the world at this very second. Instead, I’m sitting in my bed sipping apple chamomile tea listening to the rain dance with the gutter outside my window. I’m constantly thinking about how different my life could be instead of being thankful for what it is. God has truly blessed me with an amazing life that I absolutely do not deserve. I was born with a very tender heart. Sometimes, I get angry that my heart is so tender and how I feel everything so deeply. Sometimes, I wish I were more hard-hearted like my grandmother. In all my 22 years, I’ve seen that woman cry maybe three times. My dad, her son, passed away and I never saw her shed a tear, not at the hospital, not while making arrangements, not during visitation, not during the funeral, nothing. And I just thought to myself, wow, I wish I could hold my composure like that. I hate being so weak. I over-think things constantly and I begin to cry. I think about the past; I cry. I think about the future; I cry. A certain song comes on the radio; I cry. It takes nothing for me to cry anymore and I hate it. I think about how different my life would be if I decided not to attend college. But, in all honesty, I couldn’t ask for a better life. Yeah, shit has happened. But everyone has shit happen and it’s just that, shit. You kick grass over it and move forward. It’s very difficult though. But, it’s nights like tonight that I am thankful. I try and be thankful every night, but when I stop and think about my life, and think how far I’ve come. I do become overwhelmed at how God has blessed me. I have some very wonderful friends, a mom who loves me and will do anything to give me a better life than what she had, a brother who is in law school, another brother who is married to an amazing woman. I’m surrounded by books that are patiently waiting to be read. I’m surrounded by beautiful people who are waiting to be met. I’m surrounded by places that are waiting to be visited and I’m surrounded by music that is waiting to be felt. All in all, I’d say I have a pretty great life. I know this post probably doesn’t make a lick of sense; but, this is what my thoughts are right now. I have an amazing life and an amazing God who gave it to me and I take it all for granted all too often. To whomever is reading this, wherever you are, and whatever you may be going through, it gets better. I am here if you wanna chat. Just message me. And to those of you who may not need/want to talk, I’m praying for you. Honestly, I pray for all of ya’ll. I hope each and every one of you have an amazing night. Rest well. Tomorrow is a new day and a clean slate. G’night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite. 😀 

 

2014! Wait, what?

Wow! So, I haven’t written in over a year! I’ve just been so busy with everything going on I haven’t had the time. But, I was talking to one of my friends the other day and I got to thinking on something we discussed. If you’re too busy for a little down time be it for God, reading, writing, yoga, sports, whatever, then you’re too busy. Everyone needs something in their life to use as a relaxation method. Mine just so happens to be writing. So, with that being said, I plan to begin writing more frequently. I need to get back in the habit. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. So, look for more post from me coming more frequently. . . That can be good or bad. 😀 

 
Aside

So, as some of you know, I just use this website to vent. That’s why I try not to write too much too often. I know ya’ll have a lot going on too and don’t need someone who is always so bogged down. Honestly, if ya’ll met me in person, I would be completely different.  I don’t like being anything but happy; however, I’m not one who can ignore my feelings. So, I let them out here. No one that I know in the real world will know. I can just tell ya’ll and move on with my life. No judgement. 😀

Moving on to the subject at hand. I am so very sick and tired of people being so judgmental, haughty, hypocritical, and just down right arrogant. With that being said, FLASHBACK: Back in the Summer when “Magic Mike” came out, we talked about it in my Sunday school class. To set the stage for you, my Sunday school class consist of: my best friend from high school (who has a 17 year old younger sister), her fiance, her mother (Sunday school teacher), and 3 other girls I went to high school with who are all 1-2 years younger than I. The Sunday school teacher brings up the fact that “Magic Mike” came out this weekend and how it is so ungodly. She said this,” My 17 year old daughter asked if she could go see it and I told her to take it up with her dad. He told her that she is old enough to make her own decisions and if she wouldn’t have a guilty conscience about it then by all means go.” Needless to say, she went. She didn’t feel bad for it either. Anyhow, later on that week, the younger sister of my best friend and I are going from church to her house to get money so we can go out to eat with her sister (and fiance) and a young couple from church. Anyhow we’re riding down the road and she begins the topic of “Magic Mike.” I tell her what her mom and sister said in our Sunday school class. She said, “Shelby, that’s bull because she and my aunt both want to go see it.” This shocked me. I told her, “If they really want to make that big a deal about it, then why didn’t she make that big a deal about you and your sister reading/watching Harry Potter. Side note(If you like Harry Potter that’s fine. I’m just saying don’t say, “oh this is so ungodly” when Harry Potter has been criticized since it came out on going against Christianity). Also, if you have read some of my other post, you’ve noticed that a year ago my dad passed away. Another side note( my dad was dying with cancer. His body all the way from his esophagus down to his stomach was covered in cancer. In his will, he had a DNR. He and my mom both always taught us growing up that when it’s your time to go, there’s nothing you can do about it. If and when God wants you. He will call you. There’s no since in prolonging your suffering here and costing ya’ll more money just to look at our dead body a little while longer. So, whenever he was lying in that hospital bed and his body was shutting down and all his monitors were going off signaling to the doctors that he was dying and now was the time they needed to perform CPR, they couldn’t because he had a DNR). Also, that same day over the Summer in Sunday school class (My dad not even being dead a year), my “best friend” made the statement to the whole class that “if you have a DNR you’re going to hell. There is no way that you’re getting into Heaven.” It took everything I had within me plus all the power of the good Lord above not to beat the mortal hell out of that selfish bitch. Well, that and plus I had to keep telling myself, “Shelby, this is not your house. You’re in God’s house.” I started tearing up because I was so pissed off. If you believe that, that’s fine. Believe what you want. That’s your God-given right. But: 1. Who are you to say who goes to Heaven and who goes to hell? Since when did Jesus die and God make you Jesusa 2.What kind of person says that in front of their “best friend” right after their dad has died? 3. Are you socially and emotionally stunted?  I just put all of these incidents behind me telling myself that I was just being too sensitive and self-centered. This wasn’t the beginning. Over the Summer, I would ask her to hang out at my house and she would come up with the excuse, “Well, I don’t know if I can. I’m just so incredibly busy planning the wedding and all that I just don’t have time anymore.” That’s understandable. But, at this point and time, her wedding was 13 months away. What in the crap are you planning? I mean, if you don’t want to hang out, that’s cool. 1. Be mature enough to say it. 2. The least you could do would be to come up with a much better excuse. So, over the Summer, I endured the awkwardness of going to church and her not talking to me. Which kinda sucked because she’s really the only one there I feel comfortable around. In August, school started back and I was so incredibly happy. With the way my school load and workload are, when I’m at school I either don’t have the money, or don’t have the time to come home. So it’s nothing for me to not come home for 2 or 3 months. Even though I don’t come home as often, my “best friend” and I still text/call one another to catch up or see if we need to pray harder, pray for something specific, or just to vent. This semester, we sent 1 message. 1. and that was me texting her first just to send an uplifting message which was fairly lengthy, I might add . She text back, “Thanks praying for you too.” And that’s it. I decided then and there that was it. I wasn’t going to text her anymore. If she needed me she had my number. Needless to say, I haven’t heard from her since.  FLASHBACK: In high school, one of my other friends and me were really into country music (still are) and my “best friend” would always tease us about country music and the cowboy boots and the whole country ordeal. Matter of fact, a year ago this Summer, some members of our church and me went on a mission trip to New Orleans. A guy and I were talking and he asked what my favorite music was and I said country. He made a face and made his voice sound really country and imitated a country singer and said,” my dog died and my girl left me for another man.” Making fun of the overarching theme of country music. He then said, I can’t stand country music. My “best friend” then said, “yeah, me either.” Which is fine. As stated above, you are entitled to your own opinion. I laughed at what he said and we kept on talking about music. PRESENT: Tell me why this heifer is all into country stuff now. Tric even owns a pair of cowboy boots. Whiplash! I could’ve sworn that you were just making fun of me for being into all of those things. I tell you all these things to tell you this, my mom called me today and informed me that her (my “best friend”) mom just lost her job because she was stealing money from her employer. So let me get this straight, you’re sitting all high and mighty on your horse looking down on me because I drink, I watched “Magic Mike,” I listen to “secular” music, I cuss when I get extremely mad or frustrated, I’m not married, engaged to be married, nor do I have a boyfriend, I don’t attend church every Sunday, and when I’m home I don’t go to your church I go to church with my mom.  You’re looking down on me because of all that. I beg you’re freaking pardon. I understand everyone makes mistakes, but who are you to judge me? I drink to help de-stress. I don’t get drunk. I watched “Magic Mike” big freaking deal.  I listen to “secular” music. Alright, since when is that a sin? I cuss, I will admit that I do need to work on that. Cussing when I get mad is not an excuse. I don’t need to cuss at all. I’m not married, engaged to be married, nor do I have a boyfriend. I’m 21 years old. I have the rest of my life to be an adult. Right now, I’m in college! I can do pretty much anything I want and don’t have  a boyfriend blowing up my phone wondering where I am and why haven’t I texted him. I don’t have to answer to anyone except God. Tell me how that’s bad. And I don’t attend church every Sunday. Sorry I have to make a living and that the church I feel most comfortable attending is in my home town. Sorry, I don’t go to your hypocritical church where 90% of the congregation thinks they’re the only ones who are getting into heaven. Yes, cause we can see how well that has worked out for you and your family! Then, about a month ago, they had a get-together at their house. It was our Sunday school class and our new choir director his wife and their son. I get there and my “best friend” says two words to me. That’s it. I mean, you’d figure that if you’re best friends with someone and you haven’t seen them in 2 or so months, you’d be a little more excited to see them. It was so bad, I sat on the couch and texted my roommate the entire 45 minutes I was there. No one talked to me. I get up and go outside  to talk to her mom, our choir director’s wife, and another girl. I’m standing out there for 5 or so minutes when she comes out. She sits down and starts talking about her last semester of college. She’s talking to the girl who is a year younger than we are and she says,”Yeah, I can’t wait to get my last semester of college over with. I’m taking a master’s level course and I’m so very excited. Only few students get to take a master’s level course while they’re still an undergrad. Taking a master’s level course is just gonna be so awesome. It’s gonna be difficult; but, I’m excited!” She just goes on and on about how she’s an undergrad taking a master level course. I’m standing there thinking to myself, ” I took a master level linguistics course when I was a sophomore. It’s really not that big a deal! Yeah it’s difficult, but don’t act like you’re such a prodigy when it happens to college students all the time. Taking a master level course when you’re an undergrad is not a sign of how smart you are. It’s just a sign that not many undergrads have to have it so they offer it as a master level course so they can get more students into the classroom. More bang for your buck, so-to-speak.” After this, I turned to her mom, thanked her for inviting me, and told her that I had a wonderful time. She asked me if I was going to be at church in the morning and I told her no. She got in my face (I don’t know if it was because it was dark and she wanted to see my face or what) and said, “why not!” I took a step back and said, “Because, I’m going to church with my mom.” She said, “Well, okay then. I’ll see you later.”   So I left and haven’t seen them since. Like I said, my mom just told me today about her mom losing her job because she was stealing. I just sit here and can’t really believe it, but at the same time, I can. I don’t know. Whatever. I’m just tired of them being fake to me. Either you like me or you don’t. Don’t smile at me, give me a hug, while treating me so coldly. It’s just stupid and immature!

I don’t mean to sound so hateful, judgmental, and immature. Honestly, I know everyone makes mistakes. I’m just tired of people saying one thing with their mouth and doing something completely different with themselves. I mean, I myself have done this. However, I try really hard not to get on a high horse and think my crap doesn’t stink. I’m so sick and tired of man’s doctrine being put on religion. I think that if we did “What thus sayeth the Lord” then the world would be better off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mSm19ETQvg

Don’t Get Too Close To The Fire; Your Plastic Will Melt!

 

Do what you want to do, but pay the price!

Last night, my mom and I had an in-depth conversation about God and His love for us! Whenever we have these conversations, they can come out of nowhere. It’s pretty amazing! Anyhow, we started talking and I told her, ” As I grow older it amazes me how God is just like a parent to us. Whenever I was younger I loved God and knew he loved me, but I felt like he was more of the friend that we all have, you know the one you talk to but not too often because you’re too busy being with your other friends, the ones with whom you are closer and spend most of your time! Now that I am older, I see God more as a parent figure especially since the passing of dad.”

Now, this past week my roommate turned 21 and I was invited to spend her birthday with her at her house, which is 4 hours away from mine. I started to get this weird feeling like I shouldn’t go. After a while, it went away. The night before, I got the same feeling and once again after a while, it went away. The morning of, I got everything together and left my house at about 11. I got to the end of my driveway and got that feeling, I pushed it aside and continued on my journey! I get about 10 minuets away from her house and my truck stops in the middle of the road. The gas, brakes, and steering wheel all quit working. I start to panic, but know I can’t. I call her and she says she knows where I’m at and will bring her grandpa with her to see if he can help in any way. After hanging up from her, I call my mom to tell her what is happening! She freaks out! I’m standing there in 100+ heat talking to my mom, directing traffic on a two-lane back road in Kentucky, praying, and in between cars, checking my truck out to see if I can find anything wrong with it. And, I thought I wasn’t a multitasker. After a few hours of praying, freaking out, crying, and praying, finally the wrecker comes and loads my baby onto the roll-back trailer. When everything settles down, including my nerves, I finally get a peace that settles over me. I come home Sunday and my Garmin doesn’t take me the way I came (the way I knew), then I get an hour away from home, on a road I haven’t been on since I was about 11 or 12 ( so 10 years), and my Garmin messes up. I pull over on the side of the road with the rain hitting my windshield and begin to cry and say I just want to go home. A movie couldn’t have portrayed it better. I sit on the side of the road for about 5 or 10 minutes, pull myself together, then it hits me that I can get directions on my phone. I did and turns out, I was on the right road. The storm just made my Garmin mess up. I calm down and I get home about an hour or so later. I’ve never been more happy to see my home and my family!

Through all that, I learned: NEVER go somewhere God doesn’t want you to go!  And ALWAYS listen to your gut because that’s God trying to protect you, if you’ll let him. God is just like a parent, when He tells you not to do something, it’s not because He’s trying to be mean or He doesn’t want to see you happy. He’s just trying to protect you and watch out for you. If I would’ve just listened to Him, then I wouldn’t have had to go through such a scary time, and I would be 480.00 dollars richer! And God is so gracious. Even though I didn’t listen to him, He still watched over me. I still had a good time apart from all the nerve racking situations I got myself into!

I hope everyone got a little chuckle out of this but also took away the lesson I learned, that way you don’t have to go through something like that! Love ya’ll and God bless!

 

I Sure Miss You

Ok, so I’m so sick of everything going on in my life right now, as I’m sure, most of you are. I miss my dad so freaking much. My cousin was on Facebook and made a status about him and I read it and just began to cry. There is a massive hole in my heart and I thought with time it would heal, but I’m not feeling anything. I can’t even walk down the street on a gorgeous day without crying. I’m sick and tired of crying. I feel like my insides should be the Sahara. My family, all except for my cousin and his wife, hasn’t talked to me since the funeral which has been 5 months now. One of them even deleted me on Facebook. Really? Grow up. Then my dad’s brother’s wife’s sister wrote on my wall, “Leave my family alone. You delete me  or whatever but you leave my family alone.” Ok, first of all I’m not any relation to you, therefore what’s going on between them and me is just that, between them and me. Second of all, you haven’t talked to me since I was about 6 or 7; I’m 21 now, pretty sure that makes me an adult, also pretty sure that means it’s none of your freaking business. Third of all you’re like 45, grow up. Don’t post crap on my wall for the whole freaking world to see. Fourth of all, if you absolutely have to make what’s going on between them and me your business get both sides of the freaking story you incompetent heifer. I’m so tired of fighting with every one. I’m so sick of this little town. I’m so sick of the pointless gossip. I’m so sick of so-called Christians and I am one! I’m so tired of fighting period. Stuff like this runs through my head all the time then I look at what Jesus went through and I feel badly for complaining. I then look and the people I met down in New Orleans this past Summer and I also feel badly because they don’t even have homes. I wish I were one of those people that could use stress as a motivator but I don’t I just get emotionally static and shut down. Then I get on here and type of every single thought and feeling that courses through my body. I have so many emotions going though me right now. The main one being anger. I’m praying so hard for the anger and bitterness to go away but I feel as though my prayers are hitting the ceiling, bouncing off and hitting me on top of the head. Some days are better than others but for the most part, my life is getting on my nerves. You don’t know how badly I feel for saying that, because I know it could be 100 times worse than what’s happening to me right now. This is a song I found after dad passed away. This isn’t him or my family but I like the song.  

 

The Storm

We hear it all the time, someone says, ” there’s something so beautiful about a storm.” I agree and I’ve said it many times. There’s something so soothing, yet frightening, beautiful and calm, yet disastrous about a storm. I think a storm, of any kind is nature at it’s best and purest form. It shows you the fury it can unleash when two forces come together. I, myself, believe that a storm is one of the most amazing things I can experience. I love to sit out on hot Summer evenings and watch a storm sneak in as the sun sets. There is such a calmness as you see the dark Cumulonimbus clouds approaching.

Picture it, you’re sitting  on a hot asphalt listening to your ipod, soaking up the final few hours of sunlight.  You’re facing west overlooking a wide field and there’s nothing but pure calmness and stillness.  As you’re sitting there, you see a big, dark, grey Cumulonimbus cloud silently making its way toward you and your home. It’s been a hot, Summer day and even now, with the sun setting, it’s still 80 degrees.  That’s part of living in the South. It’s hot at night, but hotter during the day. A slight breeze begins to stir. As it stirs, you see the leaves on a few of your Maple trees turn to the underside. This is always a good indication of a storm, or rain at least. The breeze is warm, at first. As the cloud moves in you see that it’s part of a larger system of darker, bigger clouds. You take your headphones out of your ears and actually begin to watch and listen to the storm come in and feel the changes in the wind, and you can feel the temperature drop. You know it’s going to be a big one. You hear the first rumble of thunder, no lightening yet. The sun has set, the storm is almost overhead, and the temperature has dropped about twenty degrees. The thunder is more vigorous and aggressive now and added to it are loud strikes of lightening jolting across the clouds. You can see rain in the distance. You hold on to the last few moments of dryness. As you do, the rain begins to pelt you and the ground below.

As this is an actual storm, we face storms in our life on a daily basis. Some are bigger than others. Some can last for more than just a day and some may last for only a few moments. There is always something beautiful about it, though it may not feel like it while you’re in the midst of it. Some storms may only have rain, some may have hail, rain, thunder and lighting, or any sort of combination. No matter what they may consist of, they are all beautiful in their own way. No storm is the same. Once one storm hits, it’s gone forever and there will never be another like it. Each storm you go through, makes you stronger and wiser. With it, comes rain. Rain is good. It washes away the dirt that is collected from day-to-day activities, it nurtures, and without it, it would be impossible to grow. Now you maybe thinking of plants, but the same is true for us. Some storms produce hail. Meaning they are rougher than others. That’s like us. Sometimes we compare what we’re going through as being a “living hell.” A storm is refreshing if you let it. It can awaken you if you allow it.

No matter what you’re facing hold on. It will get better. You know someone once told me, and it’s even a popular phrase (maybe worded differently). ” There can’t be a rainbow without rain.” Yeah, you’re going to face some hard days. We all do. Just try and face it head on and know that it will get better and there will be a rainbow in the end. I’m praying for you! Remember, “This too shall pass.” 😀