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Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Storms are Storms

Since I was a little girl, I have had a certain fascination with storms. I think they are absolutely beautiful. I remember looking out the sliding glass door in our kitchen and watching the wind blow the leaves. And by looking at them, I knew a storm was coming in. It would be a hot summer day and we would be sitting on our patio swinging and talking and just letting the world go on by. Then, off in the distance I would hear the thunder roll and I knew a storm was in the making. I would leave and go the the side of the house and sit on the hot asphalt and face North-West. There was nothing there but our yard and the field, about a 100 yards on was a holler. I would sit there and I could feel the asphalt warming my legs and hands; it felt good. The sky overhead would be just as blue as any hot Summer day. But, in the North-West, beyond the holler, and just above the trees, I would see big thunderheads. I had learned in school that those were properly called cumulonimbus clouds. I didn’t care what they were properly called. All I cared about was what was behind them. I would sit there in silence taking in all the sounds around me: my dad’s big-bellied laugh as he made homemade banana ice cream, my mom’s southern euphemisms, the sound of my uncle’s chaw hitting the spittoon that was sitting on the patio next to his can of RC Cola, my older brother getting his last few cannon balls in before the storm hits, the rhythmic thwarps of my oldest brother’s arrow hitting his Styrofoam practice target, and the faded noise of the highway that ran by my house. In an odd way, it was all so soothing. I knew we had a good hour to hour-and-a-half before the storm actually hit. And I was going to be there every minute of it. As the thunderheads inched their way east and overhead they became flat, and the closer they got to me, the darker they became. And, in my, unscientific, inexperienced, opinion the darker the better. The clouds overhead were grey and the farther West you look the darker they got. The clouds were all coming together making one large system. You couldn’t tell one cloud from the next. They really didn’t have any form. Sitting there, a soft breeze began to blow and the sun was completely blocked out. Although it was only 5 p.m. it looked as if it were 8. As the breeze kept blowing, I felt the coolness and knew the rain wasn’t far away. As I was thinking about the rain a low rumble of thunder sounded in the distance. About 2 minutes later lightening lit up the clouds over the treetops. As the minutes passed, I felt the temperature drop. It went from being about 88 to being about 64 in a matter of about fifteen minutes. That told me it was going to be a good one. Sitting there soaking in the last few moments of dryness, I felt a change in mood. My brother’s cannonballs had stopped, traffic had slowed, and my dad’s laughter had ceased. The thwarps of the arrow hitting the target were the only constant.  It sounded like a timer just waiting to go off. I began counting the time between the thwarps in my head. One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand so on and so forth. As I was counting, I heard something in the distance. It sounded like a big breeze blowing. But, I knew better. It was rain. In less than 10 seconds, the rain began pelting my skin. I laid on my back and let the asphalt warm me as the rain hit all over my body. Then a large roar of thunder sounded, the kind you feel in your rib cage. I heard my mom yell to my brother “get out of the pool” my other brother put his target in the shed and took his bow and arrows in the house. My uncle grabbed in spittoon and RC Cola, my dad grabbed the ice cream, and my mom grabbed the patio chairs’ cushions. They all hurried inside. I laid there, smiling to myself, as the rain continuously pelted my skin and soaked me. About that time my mom called out the back door for me to come inside. My smile faded and my heart sank. I knew that it was over. All the excitement was done and it was just constant rain, thunder, and lightening from here on until the morning. But, the good thing was, storms happen quiet frequently in the Summer, unless we’re in a drought, and something even better, each storm is different. So, I got up, ran barefooted to the back door, and began smiling once again because I knew it was only the end of May, and I had two more months full of opportunities to watch plenty more storms come rolling in.

Just as I think physical storms are beautiful, why can’t I think the storms I go through in my life are equally as beautiful? Each storm I face gives me a chance to grow and mature just as physical storms make plants grow and mature. Each storm brings a new opportunity for me to become more of me, if that makes sense. It allows me to get where I need to be. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but that thought hit me tonight as I was reading. So, anyhow, I hope you all are snuggled up safely and I hope you have a great day at school/work tomorrow! Happy reading! 😀

 
 

Why Do The Good Suffer?

Ahh, so school’s out for Summer and I don’t have a job. That’s a good and bad thing. I did save up a little while working during the semester in case I did get into a predicament such as this, but I would like to have a job. Anyway, I hope all is well with everyone and your Summer is going fantastically well! Since school is out, I do fell like some stress has lifted but once one thing leaves, lord knows other things will take its place. So two of  my best friends are getting married next Summer, so I have no friends here at home right now as they’re planning for their upcoming nuptials. So, I’m stuck sitting around the house bored out of my mind.  As they’re are planning for their big day, only one of them has become self-centered and, honestly, becoming Bridzilla way too early. But, that’s neither here nor there. We’re all self-centered sometimes. I just keep telling myself only 1year 1month and  16 days until that’s over and hopefully she gets over herself. But, I doubt that will happen. The lawsuit is almost over, thank God! I’m so tired of this. However, as this one is coming to a close, another one has opened. This one is against my mom by a company she used to work for. I can’t believe this. It’s too unreal. But, I’m trying to be strong for her. It’s hard because she’s under much unnecessary added stress which she takes out on me, therefore, causing the claws to come out and us to go days without talking to one another.

Anyhow, this question got brought up in Sunday school class the other day. “Why do the good suffer?” My response, ” I think all people suffer. Each test we face is very different from one another’s, however if I were to face your trials I might not be able to handle them and if you were to face my trials you might not be able to handle them. Every one suffers, we just have a tendency to notice it more so in “good people” because we feel as though they don’t deserve it but somehow the “bad people” do.  I mean if it wasn’t for the bad times, how would we know to appreciate the good and stay humble, and if it wasn’t for the good we probably would feel as though we have no  reason to live. I do think that sometimes, one outweighs the other.”

Keep me in mind this week, please. It’s going to be really tough on me because it’s my dad’s birthday and father’s day, so I don’t know how this is going to go. He’s been gone almost 9 months now and it seems like it just happened this morning. I can tell I’m getting real emotional which doesn’t help with the added stress going on around here. Also, my brother’s coming home for his birthday this week which also will not help since he’s a champion instigator. He and I don’t really get along, so also please pray for that. I hope all is well with ya’ll and I’ll be praying for ya’ll as I always do. Thank you for letting me rant on here.  I don’t want to seem conceited to all of my friends who too are going through some hard times. I know everyone is! As I said, I’m praying for ya’ll too!  Always remember, you may have some BIG problems but God is BIGGER!  If you ever want to talk, shoot me a message! Have a blessed day and God bless! 😀 😀   “

 

People Don’t Write Sonnets About Being Compatible

So, I have seasons 1-4 of Gossip Girl on Netflix. . . Don’t Judge! 😉 As much as I didn’t want to watch the show, I have become addicted to it. One relationship I wanted more than anything to work out is Chuck and Blair! They are amazing together and I think I wanted them together more than I have ever wanted any couple together. Well, I just finished the final episode of season 4 and something Blair said really made me think. . . I know! Who would’ve ever thought that something being said on Gossip Girl could make you think. But it did. Blair said, ” About being happy? Chuck, that’s not the most important thing. People don’t write sonnets about being compatible, or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L’amour fou.” Chuck replied, “There’s a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn’t show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn’t want it ‘cause you’ve never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairy tale.” This whole scene really made me think! Especially the parts I have in bold. I have loved this guy for 10 years. Now, before you start judging me based on that, let me give you the short version of our history. He and I met when we were 11. He and his family were the first family to move into the subdivision my uncle had just built. He built it right behind my house. Meaning, my yard runs into one of the houses’ yard.  Anyway, we became best friends. He and I both have an older brother. At the time, his brother was 13 my brother was 15. We all hung out in a group. We would go over each others’ houses everyday. We would all ride four-wheelers together. During school, we worked on homework. We spent all of our time together. Matter of fact, he helped me through my parent’s divorce. He would text me and ask what I was doing, if I wasn’t doing chores, he would come get me on his four-wheeler and we would go riding because he knew I didn’t want to be in my house. One summer night, before his and my eighth grade year(we were 13), we were all swimming together. Well, they left to go play video games and he and I kept on swimming. We had one of our talks and just hung out. . . the usual stuff. Well, it gets late, we get out and go inside. He goes to his bathroom and I go to the guest bathroom to change. I get done before he does and I’m standing outside of his door waiting for him so we can go downstairs and play video games together. Well, he opens the door and comes out in just a towel. My God! My insides are turning flips. I’ve had a crush on him since I first met him and now here he is standing in front of me with nothing on but a towel. I’m in shock. I hear something in the living room, turn around to see what it was, it wasn’t anything so I turn back around and BAM!!! Towel gone! I’m standing there thinking, “OH, MY GOD! I want to pounce on him like a puma. . .” But, there was this little voice in my head that said, “You’re 13, you can’t do this!!!” He proceeded to tell me he loves me and that he wants me to be his first and he wants to be my first. My heart melts. Well, nothing happens. I go downstairs, he puts his clothes on. And we go on as though nothing happened. And we haven’t really talked since. I gave him a kiss on the cheek graduation night and that was the extent of our communication since all that happened. This is the same guy that I was talking about that showed up at my dad’s funeral. I love him with all my heart and now, apparently, he and his girlfriend are talking about getting engaged. When I found this out, it about killed me. Anyway, getting back to what I was saying. Now that you know all of this, maybe now you understand that I do love him. I do not use that word loosely. And the flame that burns in my heart for him will never be put out. No matter what. And tonight when Blair said that, it really made me think about him and me. I have loved him for 10 years now and with something like that it’s not going to go away. But, I also thought about what Chuck said too. And he does have a very valid point. Maybe the love that is shared between him and me burns too hot for it to actually turn into something. Then, maybe it was like a comet. It was burning hot only for a few moments, but now is gone and has left a lasting impression that will forever change me. I don’t know if our love is the “right love” Chuck talked about or if it’s the “crazy love” Blair talked about. I’ll have to wait this one out. But, I can say this. To this day, I’m not sorry that I’m a virgin; I’m not sorry about what we shared. However, I am sorry that he took what happened that night as an insult meaning that I didn’t love him or want to be with him. When, there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about him. So, I tell you all of that long stuff to say this. . . If there is someone out there you’re in love with. . . GO AFTER THEM!!! Find out if it’s meant to last or if it’s only there to give you a good story to tell! 😀 

 

Full Circle

As a few friends and I were sitting around talking tonight, I got to thinking how God is the perfect author. The second we were born, our books began. Chapter 1 is at the top and the date of your birth below and to the right of the page. Below that, indented to the right is your name and after that it says was born today. . . As your life progresses the pages of your book begin to fill. Each birthday begins a new chapter. Every little minuscule detail is written down in the story of your life.  The friends you meet and are still friends with to this day. When you got your first scar from having a bike wreck. When you got your first broken bone to when you got your heart broken for the first time. Every little detail that you have forgotten about is written down on each page of our books. God has not forgotten about them. Each of those details have molded you into the woman/man you are today. I have often times thought about my book. The things that have happened to me have shaped me into the woman I am. I have thought about things and how I wouldn’t be the same if  they hadn’t have happened.

From broken bones  to my parents divorce. Everything that has happened to me has molded me into the woman I am. Now yes, somethings have had a larger affect on me than others.  Just like you. Stuff that has happened in your life has had a larger affect on who you are today than some of the small stuff. I have often times wondered why God put my soul in the body I’m in and why He placed me in the life I have. I thank Him for it, I really do. However, I have just wondered “why couldn’t I be the smart one that everything comes naturally to, or why couldn’t I be the one everybody likes.” In my life, I haven’t been the prettiest one. I don’t have the prettiest body, I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, when it comes to academics, I’m not the most talented, I’m not the best person I need to be. But, everything in my life that God has given me, I thank Him for it. The struggles that I have had to go through have taught me that in life, not everything comes easy for everyone. Nothing in my life that I have has been given to me. I have had to work for it. Tonight, as my friends and I were sitting around watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, something was said in the movie about how when you wish to be someone else, you wish your life away. And we have so many times wanted someone else’s life. Whether it be because they’re smarter, prettier, wealthier, more athletic, famous and the list can go on. But, have you ever stopped to think of what your families lives would be like without you in them. I don’t want to sound conceited, however, their lives would not be as special as they are with you in them. You have so much to offer. Why would you want to be someone else? Because they’re prettier, well they probably don’t have your personality to go with it. They’re wealthier, well, they probably do not have as big of a heart as you do. Because they’re famous, well they probably don’t have many people they can count on. You’re an amazing person and God has placed your soul in the body it’s in for a purpose. Sometimes we don’t understand the things we have to go through. Well, everything we go through has a purpose. Each day strive to be better than you were before! I don’t understand why I had to go through a bad divorce with my parents when the one thing that I want more than anything in this world is to have a family that will sit down on a Sunday after church and talk about their day. After dinner, to sit on the front porch and watch the kids play in the yard laughing and cutting up. But, I had to go through it. And for whatever reason God is going to use that. Maybe to encourage younger kids not to give up on God when the going gets tough. Don’t think for one second that God has given up on you. If you feel like He’s walked away from you, know He hasn’t. If anyone has walked away it would be you walking away from Him. Keep your head held high and know that no matter what storms come your way, He’ll be right there beside you helping you through.  😀