So, ever since we were little we were told, be it by our parents, friends, family, society, or what have you, to treat yourself and others with respect. Heck! Aretha Franklin even sang a song about it. But women, whether you want to believe it or not, are held to a higher/different standard. If a man curses, whatever. If a woman curses, we’re considered unladylike. If a man sleeps around, good for him. If a woman sleeps around, she’s a whore. Society, in my opinion, places more stress on women to hold to their chastity until marriage, than they place on men. Now before I go any deeper, allow me to make clear what I mean by chastity. Chastity is different from virginity. Chastity means not only staying chaste until marriage, but also staying true to one’s significant other. Virginity is abstaining from sexual intercourse. The difference between the two is a woman can be married and not a virgin, but still be considered chaste. However, said woman can be married and have sex and not be a virgin. Make sense? Moving on . . . I’m 22 years old, soon to be 23, and I’m still a virgin. When people find out, the main response I get is, “good for you; stay that way.” I was brought up in a very Christian home. My dad was a pastor therefore everyone in our town held me, as well as my brothers to a higher standard. Well, my dad is gone now and it’s just my mom and me. My oldest brother is married. My middle brother is living in Florida with his girlfriend attending law school; they’ve been living together for about 4 years now, so most of their college career. Anyhow, my parents never once scolded him for living with her even though she and my brother are not married. My parents were the type of parents where they didn’t care if so-and-so were doing it, they did frown upon it, but they wouldn’t judge them for it. However, they preached to us not to do it. And that’s fine because God in heaven knows I’m thankful for my raising. Anyway, moving right along. My mom and I were on the phone the other night talking and the subject of virginity was brought up and she knows I’m still a virgin. But, I asked her what she would do if I were to lose my virginity. I recieved an earful. About ten minutes later when she was finished, I said, you weren’t a virgin when you married dad, and dad wasn’t a virgin when he married you. And my brother, the one who lives with his girlfriend in Florida, lost his when he was 14. So, I’ve held on to mine for longer than any of ya’ll. She kinda laughed. And I asked her, why does it matter so much if I want to lose my virginity before I’m married? None of ya’ll waited; so, why’s it different for me? Needless to say, after about 20 or so minutes of discussion, I never got a straight answer.
Now, going back to the part where I’m about to be 23. There’s this guy at work (guy A). He’s really attractive; but, he’s a downright player. He’s the guy ya’ll hear about that has “different hoes in different area codes.” Anyhow, I’ve very seriously considered telling him my birthday is coming up and as a gift, I want him to take my virginity. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I know I would feel like manure when it was all over. He, this other guy who we’re pretty good friends with (guy B), and I were talking the other night at work and they began describing guy A’s current slam buddy. Guy B was saying how differently she dressed and was saying these really mean things about her and guy A agreed. Well, I asked guy A if she’s that bad, then why are you ‘seeing’ her? He said, “because, she has a nice rack.” Our conversation continues, a few things were said about me and guy A says I can’t do this and turns around and walks off. I asked guy B what was up with that and he said, “it’s cause you’re a virgin.” That pissed me off. I replied, “so he can talk like that about her but he can’t talk about boobs to me?” Our conversation continued and slowly dwindled down. We moved on to various topics for the rest of the night then said our goodbyes as quitting-time came. However, I was still munching on what happened earlier. It pisses me off that he treated me like a piece of fragile, sacred, glass like if he kept talking to me about sex, boobs, etc. I was going to break. And all this really made me think about how society views women talking about sex and how they view men talking about sex and not only talking about it, but also having it, or the lack thereof (porn). If guys talk “locker room talk” it’s all fine and dandy; but, if a woman were to say half of those things she would be considered crude and heaven forbid she say she has watched, currently watches, or has seen porn. It irritates me that women can’t live their lives the way they want to without society having some double-standard bull shit to go along with it. Don’t get me wrong, things have gotten better; but, they’re no where near where they need to be.