I Sure Miss You

05 Feb

Ok, so I’m so sick of everything going on in my life right now, as I’m sure, most of you are. I miss my dad so freaking much. My cousin was on Facebook and made a status about him and I read it and just began to cry. There is a massive hole in my heart and I thought with time it would heal, but I’m not feeling anything. I can’t even walk down the street on a gorgeous day without crying. I’m sick and tired of crying. I feel like my insides should be the Sahara. My family, all except for my cousin and his wife, hasn’t talked to me since the funeral which has been 5 months now. One of them even deleted me on Facebook. Really? Grow up. Then my dad’s brother’s wife’s sister wrote on my wall, “Leave my family alone. You delete me  or whatever but you leave my family alone.” Ok, first of all I’m not any relation to you, therefore what’s going on between them and me is just that, between them and me. Second of all, you haven’t talked to me since I was about 6 or 7; I’m 21 now, pretty sure that makes me an adult, also pretty sure that means it’s none of your freaking business. Third of all you’re like 45, grow up. Don’t post crap on my wall for the whole freaking world to see. Fourth of all, if you absolutely have to make what’s going on between them and me your business get both sides of the freaking story you incompetent heifer. I’m so tired of fighting with every one. I’m so sick of this little town. I’m so sick of the pointless gossip. I’m so sick of so-called Christians and I am one! I’m so tired of fighting period. Stuff like this runs through my head all the time then I look at what Jesus went through and I feel badly for complaining. I then look and the people I met down in New Orleans this past Summer and I also feel badly because they don’t even have homes. I wish I were one of those people that could use stress as a motivator but I don’t I just get emotionally static and shut down. Then I get on here and type of every single thought and feeling that courses through my body. I have so many emotions going though me right now. The main one being anger. I’m praying so hard for the anger and bitterness to go away but I feel as though my prayers are hitting the ceiling, bouncing off and hitting me on top of the head. Some days are better than others but for the most part, my life is getting on my nerves. You don’t know how badly I feel for saying that, because I know it could be 100 times worse than what’s happening to me right now. This is a song I found after dad passed away. This isn’t him or my family but I like the song.  


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