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Monthly Archives: December 2011

People Don’t Write Sonnets About Being Compatible

So, I have seasons 1-4 of Gossip Girl on Netflix. . . Don’t Judge! 😉 As much as I didn’t want to watch the show, I have become addicted to it. One relationship I wanted more than anything to work out is Chuck and Blair! They are amazing together and I think I wanted them together more than I have ever wanted any couple together. Well, I just finished the final episode of season 4 and something Blair said really made me think. . . I know! Who would’ve ever thought that something being said on Gossip Girl could make you think. But it did. Blair said, ” About being happy? Chuck, that’s not the most important thing. People don’t write sonnets about being compatible, or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L’amour fou.” Chuck replied, “There’s a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn’t show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn’t want it ‘cause you’ve never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairy tale.” This whole scene really made me think! Especially the parts I have in bold. I have loved this guy for 10 years. Now, before you start judging me based on that, let me give you the short version of our history. He and I met when we were 11. He and his family were the first family to move into the subdivision my uncle had just built. He built it right behind my house. Meaning, my yard runs into one of the houses’ yard.  Anyway, we became best friends. He and I both have an older brother. At the time, his brother was 13 my brother was 15. We all hung out in a group. We would go over each others’ houses everyday. We would all ride four-wheelers together. During school, we worked on homework. We spent all of our time together. Matter of fact, he helped me through my parent’s divorce. He would text me and ask what I was doing, if I wasn’t doing chores, he would come get me on his four-wheeler and we would go riding because he knew I didn’t want to be in my house. One summer night, before his and my eighth grade year(we were 13), we were all swimming together. Well, they left to go play video games and he and I kept on swimming. We had one of our talks and just hung out. . . the usual stuff. Well, it gets late, we get out and go inside. He goes to his bathroom and I go to the guest bathroom to change. I get done before he does and I’m standing outside of his door waiting for him so we can go downstairs and play video games together. Well, he opens the door and comes out in just a towel. My God! My insides are turning flips. I’ve had a crush on him since I first met him and now here he is standing in front of me with nothing on but a towel. I’m in shock. I hear something in the living room, turn around to see what it was, it wasn’t anything so I turn back around and BAM!!! Towel gone! I’m standing there thinking, “OH, MY GOD! I want to pounce on him like a puma. . .” But, there was this little voice in my head that said, “You’re 13, you can’t do this!!!” He proceeded to tell me he loves me and that he wants me to be his first and he wants to be my first. My heart melts. Well, nothing happens. I go downstairs, he puts his clothes on. And we go on as though nothing happened. And we haven’t really talked since. I gave him a kiss on the cheek graduation night and that was the extent of our communication since all that happened. This is the same guy that I was talking about that showed up at my dad’s funeral. I love him with all my heart and now, apparently, he and his girlfriend are talking about getting engaged. When I found this out, it about killed me. Anyway, getting back to what I was saying. Now that you know all of this, maybe now you understand that I do love him. I do not use that word loosely. And the flame that burns in my heart for him will never be put out. No matter what. And tonight when Blair said that, it really made me think about him and me. I have loved him for 10 years now and with something like that it’s not going to go away. But, I also thought about what Chuck said too. And he does have a very valid point. Maybe the love that is shared between him and me burns too hot for it to actually turn into something. Then, maybe it was like a comet. It was burning hot only for a few moments, but now is gone and has left a lasting impression that will forever change me. I don’t know if our love is the “right love” Chuck talked about or if it’s the “crazy love” Blair talked about. I’ll have to wait this one out. But, I can say this. To this day, I’m not sorry that I’m a virgin; I’m not sorry about what we shared. However, I am sorry that he took what happened that night as an insult meaning that I didn’t love him or want to be with him. When, there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about him. So, I tell you all of that long stuff to say this. . . If there is someone out there you’re in love with. . . GO AFTER THEM!!! Find out if it’s meant to last or if it’s only there to give you a good story to tell! 😀 

 

You Get More Bees With Honey Than With Vinegar

I feel bloggers get a bad rep.  I recently told one of my friends that I have a blog and he busted out laughing at me. Why? I have no clue.  What is wrong with blogging? There are people out there who blog for a living, as in they get paid to do it. . . Now that’s nothing but pure awesomeness! Anyway, blogging is nothing but an artistic representation of who a person is. Maybe one blogs because they feel as though they have no one to talk to. Maybe they blog because they want people to see their creativity. Maybe one blogs just because they want to feel as though they are somehow connected to the world. Whatever the reason may be, I respect bloggers. I mean, I don’t look at them as any less of a person. I’m not just saying that either. Even before I had a blog, I never really thought about those who did blog. If someone were to tell me, ” Oh, hey! I have a blog.” I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. . . Actually, I might have and thought, “Wow, that’s pretty awesome.” I understand people need a creative outlet. I myself need one. However, I don’t think of it as all that creative. . . I just feel it’s me standing on my soapbox. And unfortunately, you readers have to hear it! 😀 Hey, I’m not forcing it on you. . . You choose to get yourself into this mess! 😉 Anyway, I just don’t know what all the commotion is over blogging. Me personally, I use my blog to vent. It’s the only time I feel I can let every thing out without any of the following: pity, judgement, rudeness, and commotion. I blog because I feel as though I have the ear of the whole world and in some weird way, it’s all confidential. Oxymoron, much? I know, but it’s the truth. This is the one place I feel as though I can get on here and say whatever feelings I may have, however contradictory they may be, and receive zero judgement for them. I know I can get on here type everything I have to say and I won’t have anyone looking at me saying well, you need to think this, or awe, you poor thing, or any garbage such as that. If you don’t agree with my point of views then you don’t have to comment. You can respect them, though. I mean yeah, you’re going to run into people online, as in the real world, who do not share your views. Well, that’s to be expected. If  we didn’t, honestly, I would be kinda freaked out. But, it’s all about respect. You can disagree with a person but still be respectful. . . I feel as though people, these days, think that it’s impossible. Well anyway, I am going to step down off my soapbox and go on about my day! Much love 😀